I pour into people and in 2000, I poured into people so much that I became suicidal.
I decided that when I got home from work that afternoon, I would take an overdose of pills, fall asleep and never see this world again. I logged off work early, wondering why I even thought it was a good idea to go there at all. I was in a complete daze as I drove the same route I had driven hundreds of times before. Caught up in my own thoughts, I wasn't paying attention and ended up at my mother's house. When I realized where I was I started crying uncontrollably because I was so angry at myself because there was yet, another thing that I could not get right.
My mother wasn't home and a quiet still voice told me to call her. I listened. She could barely understand me over my sobs and told me she would be home shortly. Once she arrived, she said, "Help me take these groceries inside."
(I later found out this was so she could buy herself time to say a silent prayer in true mama style). I started to calm down while we put away the refrigerated items.
We sat down and I told her " I am in a dark place and I want to kill myself". She said "What if you kill yourself and nothing changes?" I was speechless.
She was compassionate, patient, and kind. "What do you want"? she asked. "I don't want to be in this overwhelming emotional pain. I feel like someone dug a deep dark hole, threw me in and I can't get out." I responded. "Can I take you to the hospital?" she asked. "Yes", I replied.
After going to the emergency room, I was admitted into an inpatient mental health program for 2 weeks and from there, the real work began. I was in intensive therapy for months following my release. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the therapeutic modality that resonated with me the most during my healing process and gave me the courage to see that I had control over my thoughts.
I often say that depression was the best thing that ever happened to me. I learned to love myself and gained many tools to help me cope when times get rough. And they WILL get rough.
My coaching journey started a few years later from behind the styling chair in my career as a natural hair stylist and salon owner. I learned the importance of confidentiality as my clients would often share their deepest, darkest secrets. They trusted me and I was determined to be a safe space for them.
Each one of us has something that we were created to do. A space that we are to fill that no one else can. This is that space for me. My purpose in life is to help women find what lights their souls on fire. I want to build a community where women feel seen, heard and loved.
"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."