“Thereʼs a time for everything. A time to laugh, a time to cry. A time to live, a time to die.”
Those words kept repeating themselves in my head as I tossed and turned knowing I had to get up soon. I couldnʼt recall where they came from. Instead I remembered the origin of something Wayne Dyer said. It was a quote from the poet Rumi,
“The breezes of dawn have secrets to tell you. Do not go back to sleep.”
I often wake up in the wee hours of the morning fighting to go back to sleep, however, according to Wayne Dyer and Rumi, Iʼve been doing it all wrong. Thatʼs when Iʼm supposed to be awake listening to my inner self, awaiting answers from God.
There have been times in the past that Iʼve woken up, had a great idea or a poem in my head and I was sill so sleepy that I didnʼt want to even lift my phone to put the idea or poem in my notes. I thought I would remember it the next day. That rarely happened. So this morning, I listened to Rumi and didnʼt try to force myself back to sleep. Instead I listened to the raindrops outside my window and waited for the inspiration to write these words.
The past six months have been an interesting journey for me. The first time in my life that Iʼve done absolutely nothing. Iʼve been an overachiever for as long as I can remember so this feels very foreign to me. Doing “nothing”, being “lazy” as most people would say. On the contrary Iʼve done more work in the past six months than I have in my entire life. Self work. Iʼve listened to Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay and Abraham Hicks and Mooji. Iʼve listened to Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, Sadhguru, Earl Nightingale and read Nopoleon Hill, Florence Scovel- Shinn, Oprah Winfrey and Michelle Obama.
And Iʼve meditated for 85 days consecutively. All in search of answers to a question that wonʼt go away. “Whatʼs the meaning of life?” “Why am I here?”
With no obvious source of income since I decided to retire from natural hair 6 months ago, I havenʼt faced any major financial challenges. Iʼve traveled, financed a major car repair, ate breakfast, lunches and dinners with people I love and have been having a good time. Money has come from unexpected places. This lead to an epiphany that Iʼve had many times before. One directly related to a bible verse about birds that I had to Google. (Sidebar: Are you judging me right now?) Matthew 6:26.
“See the birds of the sky, that they donʼt sow, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns. Your heavenly Father feeds them. Arenʼt you of much more value than they?”
The birds know that the universe will provide. They are still required to do the work of finding the food, however they never question whether it will be there. When necessary, they know to fly south in the winter because they will find food there. They trust. They follow intuition. They survive. They thrive. And thatʼs what Iʼve been doing. Trusting, knowing, thriving.
Shout out to my friend Google once again. Because of them, I discovered where the quote came from that repeated in my head. “Thereʼs a time for everything. A time to laugh. A time to cry. A time to live, a time to die.” At first I thought it came from the movie A Time To Kill. (Sidebar: Are you judging me again right now?) Imagine my surprise to find out it was actually a bible verse. Ecclesiastes 3. If you knew that because you read the Bible and are STILL judging me right now for not knowing, Iʼm sending you love and asking you to read Matthew 7: 1-5. LOL
Being authentic and transparent for me means that I donʼt know everything, I admit to my shortcomings and Iʼm always willing to learn. Iʼm learning to be more open minded. Iʼm open to endless possibilities. Iʼm open to the fact that thereʼs more to life than paying bills and dying and Iʼm on a quest to find out what that means for me.
Of all the sources that Iʼve used on this quest, they have all pointed to the same solution: Live in gratitude. Get still. Let go of outside distractions. Go within. Thatʼs the main reason Iʼve become dedicated to my meditation practice. I know the answers come in silence. God speaks to us when we are silent enough to hear from source energy. So Iʼm being intentional about making time for my meditation practice using the Insight Timer app and Iʼm listening. Whether itʼs 5-15 minutes of complete silence or 15 to 30 minutes of guided meditation, Iʼm simply taking the time to sit in gratitude and listen.
I would like to add my own twist to the Ecclesiastes Bible verse. Thereʼs a time to overachieve and a time to chill. Iʼm chilling until I'm quiet enough to find out what this next chapter looks like. Happy 2019. God is love. Love is light. Spread love.
Depression survivor that discovered the power of positive thinking.