Allow the Process

  • who is tinesha matthews

    It's a question I ask myself on a daily basis. And after 42 years, I think I have an answer....I'm a woman with passion. Everyone knows there's nothing like a soul on fire and mine is ablaze. As a depression survivor in the pursuit of happiness, I've found happiness through love. Love is the key to everything and it heals all. My goal is to inspire you to love. To love yourself and to love others so you can be the best YOU that you can be. Welcome!

  • Life In Tinesha's Lane

    April 18, 2014

    Blog Feature

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    Recently an instagram friend posted that she was doing features on her personal blog and was looking for people who were interested in sharing. Since sharing is caring I emailed her. In this blog feature I discuss depression, the effects it had on me and how suicide saved my life. You can read the blog below:
    mlifeblog.blog.com

    April 17, 2014

    Create Your Own Reality

    I just finished watching the Pharrell with Oprah and I must say…..I cried real tears. On the heels of the first installment of my Spread Love Seminar series, the interview really hit home for me. In it, Pharrell talks about the book The Alchemist and how it impacted his life. I remember when I was gifted this book by my bestie, Kelley who told me “you must read this book.” I said, “ok, sure” and it sat on my bookshelf for months. But when the timing was right, something told me to pick up the book. I suppose it was the Universe because I was ready. When I refer to the Universe I am speaking of everything as a whole…. God, angels, intuition…whatever it takes to bring me where I need to be. The moment I started reading the book, I knew my life was about to change. I cried several times because the journey of Santiago (a shepherd boy) touched my spirit in ways unimaginable. I felt like I was with him, searching for my own personal agenda, searching for love. Whenever I am in times of doubt or need to be reminded of my journey, I will read the book again. The most important message in the book for me was that when you TRULY want something and you believe in it with every ounce of what you are, the Universe will conspire to get you there. You will be presented with the right people who can help you along your journey. This could never have rang more true than this past weekend.

    Growing up as a child, I always knew I wanted to be famous. I didn’t know how I would achieve that fame considering I wasn’t particularly talented in an any area. But deep down inside I just knew I was destined for greatness that would eventually lead me to be “famous.” Looking back that yearning was more of an ego thing than much else. I wanted people to like me. I wanted everyone to know me. I wanted outside recognition. I was relying on the external as a means of validation. That got me absolutely nowhere. Instead I became a miserable people pleaser who had no direction in life whatsoever. Everyone thought I was awesome and that I had it all together but deep down inside I was depressed, hurting and broken. I now see how every single thing that happened to me in my life was just the Universe preparing me for my greatness. I wouldn’t trade any of it at all. Especially not for the day that I decided to take my own life. That was my turning point. Unlike Karyn Washington, a talented young blogger who recently ended her life, I found a glimmer of hope. A desire, a longing to just be happy and was able to get to that place by asking for help.

    The journey was long and hard but with the same amount of disdain I had for myself at the time I’ve turned that into a great love for myself. I love myself like I would a best friend. I am kind to myself. I speak lovingly to myself. I spend time with myself. I talk to myself. How are you feeling today Tinesha? What are you grateful for Tinesha? How will you impact someone’s life today Tinesha? So one day I asked that question and the answer was “you will be a public speaker, a motivational one at that and you will share your story with the world so that you can help someone survive.” And so it began. Well, not really. It began long before that. I actually wanted to go into broadcast journalism when I attended college at NCA&T and the only classes I actually attended and got good grades in before I dropped out were the classes that related to speaking or being in front of the camera. Speech class was my favorite. Learning how to speak without an accent so that you could get hired in any market. Learning how to speak without saying “um” or “you know.” I found those classes to be fascinating. You would record yourself and go back and watch to critique yourself. You would also watch interviews of famous people and critique them as well. Little did I know that even though I would end up being a college dropout, I was learning from a much bigger school. And it come came together the moment I was interviewed on Bounce TV with Brigida Mack about my seminar. I wasn’t the least bit nervous and it just seemed like that’s exactly where I was supposed to be. I digress. I’ve gotten off on a tangent. Back to my seminar. I knew this was something I HAD to do. My spirit told me it was time. It didn’t matter if I thought I was ready or not. It was time. First I picked a date and secured a location. And then, like clock work, the Universe began preparing every detail. I would wake up at 3am sometimes and God would be speaking to me. Telling me everything I was to discuss at the seminar. And I would awake from my sleep and jot down every word because I knew it was necessary. And then amazing things began to happen. I asked for sponsors because I could not financially fund the event myself and oh my God. Angels appeared out of nowhere. People gifted me with supplies, time, food, giveaways…everything I needed to make my seminar a success. They all told me the same thing. “I am sowing into greatness. I see your potential. Great things are going to happen for you.” It spoke volumes about how I have impacted people and it was the most humbling experience. Tickets sold out in less than 24 hours. People sent me messages saying they were sad they missed out. It was pleasantly overwhelming. And then the day arrived. The entire time I was showering for the event I kept thanking God for what was about to happen. And just like that, it was as if someone else stepped in and conducted the seminar. I was speaking but I honestly don’t remember much of what I said. What I remember more is the tears I saw falling, the glimmer of hope I saw in my guest’s eyes, the light bulbs that came on in their minds when they realized we shared the same story. It was then I knew I was on the right path. So fame is no longer a goal for me. The goal is to always have the feeling I felt that day. The feeling that I am saving at least one soul. Offering up some hope that you can make it another day. I will continue to live in gratitude, continue to live in transparency and continue to spread love like glitter everywhere I go.

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    April 5, 2014

    Who Am I?

    I’m a girl from a single parent home that was bussed from lower income housing at a very young age through some of the richest neighborhoods in Charlotte, NC. I attended schools where I tried very hard to blend in and stand out all at the same time. Never bitter about living in low income housing, I instead imagined what it would be to like to live in one of those “rich people’s houses.” Years later after graduating to a middle class neighborhood I forgot my previous life and became a collector of “things” that I thought defined me in the form of clothes, shoes and handbags. By the time I went to college in 1989 (NCA&T) I cared more about what I wore than my scholars. I dropped out of college already in debt from a shopping addiction. After college, I developed a weed addiction coupled with the shopping addiction that required me to always maintain 2-3 jobs just to stay afloat. Always the owner of a very vivid imagination I never imagined that in 1999 I would end up suicidal, diagnosed with depression in a mental ward at Presbyterian Hospital. It was the best thing that could have happened to me at the time. Why you ask? Because I’ve learned so much about myself, what truly matters and that wealth doesn’t have a monetary value. Wealth is measured by love. I learned to stop being afraid and follow my dreams. I learned that “things” don’t visit you in the mental hospital or encourage you or help you make it through a rough day. Only love can do that. The love of someone that wants to see you reach your greatness. Whether that love is God, familial or romantic….we all need love. I don’t have all the answers. Most of the time I don’t even know what I’m doing. On any given day I’m making up things as I go along but I think that’s what makes life so fun. I listen intently to my intuition and it has yet to fail me. A quote from “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coehlo states: “When you really want something to happen, the whole world conspires to help you achieve it.” I want to Spread Love and everyday, someone, somewhere is helping me to achieve that. I want to say….”Thank you!”

    February 10, 2014

    Can I do it?

    7 for 365

    I’ve been on a continual lifestyle change for several years now. I started fasting about 7 years ago from things I loved as a challenge to myself. Over the last 3 years those fast have gotten more frequent. This is about to be the most intense fast to date. I’m fasting from 7 things I love for 365 days! Why? You ask….Because I want to be great and the things on this list prevent me from doing just that. I’ve given up each of the things on this list at least twice and have felt better after doing it. I would love to eventually let them go for good but I don’t know if that’s realistic. What’s on my list?

    1. Alcohol
    I love a great cocktail. Especially when socializing. This is probably going to be the hardest thing on my list to give up. Celebrations call for toasts. I love celebrations. Guess I’ll be toasting up with seltzer water and lime instead. #turnup

    2. Bread
    OH EM GEE. This not only means sandwiches (which I don’t do a lot of anyway) but this also means no banana walnut bread, no pizza, no French toast, bun less veggie burgers and I’m also letting go of pancakes and anything that has a bread filling…like crabcakes. *sigh*

    3. Rice
    I’m dying a slow sushi death over this one…..sushi and cocktails. What is better than heaven? This is the closest I get to nirvana. I don’t have to eat rice as a dish by itself but giving up sushi is a major feat. I’m keeping my chopsticks though.

    4. Pasta
    There’s not much to be said here. Carbapalooza is not where it’s at. I’ve pretty much waned myself completely off pasta anyway so this one may not be that bad….may not being the operative words here. El oh el.

    5. Potatoes
    This seems so wrong. No mashed potatoes? No home fries? No hash browns? No FRENCH FRIES? Yeah. C’est la vie. Buh-bye to Thanksgiving and Christmas potato salad.

    6. Cheese
    I looooove cheese. Cheese on my salads. Cheese on my pizza. Tuna melts. My mama’s yummy Mac and cheese. Lobster Mac and cheese……ooey gooey yummy cheese. Ohhhhh, let’s not forget my favorite thing EVER….white cheddar popcorn. You get the picture. But cheese isn’t my friend. Time for us to break up.

    7. Candy, cookies and pie
    I thought LOOOOOOONG and hard before putting this on the list. I mean let’s be realistic. A Hershey’s kiss hasn’t ever harmed anyone. But if you want results….you have to go the extra mile. I still will eat cake and cupcakes (I’m not that crazy) plus my mama makes a mean pound cake, cake, cake, cake *in my Rihanna voice* But I’m giving up the other stuff.

    This is going to be a journey of discipline and self discovery. I’ll keep you posted on my journey. It begins 3/3/14. Wish me luck!

    January 13, 2014

    Sex, cupcakes and “bad” words

    There is power in words. Have you ever let something slip out of your mouth before you thought about it and immediately wish you could stuff it back in? I have a very smart mouth. Most people think I’m funny because I’m sincere in my words but for some reason how I articulate them is amusing as well as my facial expressions. I’m very straight forward and I say what I mean and mean what I say but sometimes I’m really just joking. I find myself constantly saying “I’m serious” because people are laughing at the way I’ve said something. What I’ve learned about myself is that I’ve spent so many years not saying what needed to be said because I thought it would hurt someone’s feelings or because I didn’t think what I had to say mattered. Now, I say things because I want people to be better and not because I want to intentionally hurt them. I try to think about HOW I’m going to say what I feel needs to be said and also IF the person I’m saying it to is going to be receptive. I listen intently to my instincts to figure out what I need to do. There is CONSTANT chatter in my brain which I why I had to learn to meditate. I had to figure out how to give my brain some free time. What I’ve also learned is that I’ve wasted…….no,
    I don’t like that word because there are lessons in everything so let’s just say I used up a lot of energy doing things I didn’t want to do, not doing things I wanted to do, dealing with people I didn’t want to deal with, missed out on talking to people that maybe I should have talked to because I was afraid to be true to myself. Growing up the word “selfish” was used like a bad word. When I heard it the word was used with such malice. But what I’ve also learned is that there are levels to selfishness. There is selfish where you don’t give a damn about anyone and your only agenda is YOU YOU YOU. And then there is selfish where you put yourself first because if you aren’t happy, you can’t make anyone else happy. So, yes I’m selfish. “Cause if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” But just as selfish as I am, I’m also very giving. I try to make myself available to others and I always have a listening ear. However when you try to use my ear for constant complaining without action I will turn my “hearing aid” off. Mainly because words put out energy and the more time you spend listening to it, it will start to affect you. I don’t need any extra pollutants in my life. I’ve learned to be true to myself and to be authentic. Learning to be authentic has also caused me to become a minimalist. I try to only purchase things I really need. My apartment is a studio with minimal furniture, minimal things and I try to ensure it’s clutter free. (OCD alert) I now realize there are very few “things” in life that will make you happy. No matter how many clothes you have…how many watches, purses, shoes, cars, houses (whatever your fetish may be) if you aren’t happy with the little things, you won’t be happy with the big things. Yes, you’ll be excited about them and maybe even happy until the novelty wears off and then you’re chasing the next “new thing.” For some people it’s less tangible things like food or in my case, great sex. Nothing makes you feel as awesome as great sex. If you don’t agree, you’ve never had great sex. So that got me to thinking….. if I could only take a backpack full of stuff with me everywhere I go, and I was only allowed 10 items…what would I take? Here is my list in no particular order. (Don’t judge me! LMAO)
    1. Cupcakes
    2. My passport
    3. Jack Daniels Honey
    4. Clean underwear
    5. A small picture book of the people I love
    6. My phone (mostly for reading books and texting)
    7. Toiletries kit
    8. Lipgloss
    9. Water
    10. Popcorn
    What would be in your bag?

    January 6, 2014

    Blah

    “Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness and the word happy would lose it’s meaning if it were not balanced by sadness….It is therefore far better to take things as they come along, with patience and equanimity.”
    Flipping through the pages of Esquire Magazine’s Big Black Book I came across these words. Immediately I knew I had to write this blog because this was my 3rd sign today. There are some blogs that are harder to write than others. Some that are so gut wrenching I dabble with not hitting the post button at all. Then I remember four simple words. “It’s not about me.” I’m not serving my purpose by not sharing. Sharing is caring. The first 6 days of 2014 have been extremely hard for me emotionally. Beating myself up daily because I couldn’t figure out why. I only told my bestie Jessica because I canceled 2 hair color appointments with her and she wanted to know why. I’m focused. I started a 21 day vegan fast and I’m sticking to it. I’m healthy. In a loving relationship, great friends, awesome family but I’m still like….”blah.” On day 4 I decided to just embrace it and allow myself to wallow in it. Because as the quote says “the word happiness would lose it’s meaning if it were not balanced with sadness.” I don’t like sadness. Especially at this time of year because it’s so close to the date I had my nervous breakdown that it scares me to think I may be slipping back into depression. And that’s exactly what that shit does…..sneaks up on you like a thief in the night, takes everything and then sits in the corner and taunts you. The 2nd sign I received was via email. I subscribe to emails from a motivational speaker named Danielle LaPorte. Normally I’ll delete them (I know defeats the purpose but I’m keeping it real) but today she talked about goal setting for your soul/ why you fail at your goals and she had a link to her YouTube video. I like her because she’s cool, she curses and I can relate to her. After I finished watching it I felt better and I texted my friend Tony who put me on to her. If you read my blogs, you know Tony is like my kindred spirit. Before I know it my 3rd sign appears. I type and send the following words: “Where I am at right now….I’d pack my shit (a backpack full), move to an island and become a bartender.” Then I say to myself: “Wait……What? Who wrote that? And who sent that? ” but I think it’s much deeper….it’s on a subconscious level and you know what his response is? Basically that he has been feeling the same way, that he couldn’t be a bartender because he doesn’t like to talk that much but that maybe he could be the DJ and that whatever I decided he had my back.” How ironic is that? And just like that, I realized what my problem was….I was stuck. For the first time since I can remember, I didn’t set any goals for the new year, I didn’t redo my vision book…..nothing. So the result is me feeling stuck and stagnant! No mas universe, I hear you. I’m on it like white on rice. I came up with my soul goals. I’ll share them with you. 1. Spread love like my life depends on it. 2. Get excited about something everyday. 3. Have lunch or dinner with someone I love at least once a week. 4. Get out of debt specifically to pay back a loan from my mother that I have defaulted on (blood is thicker than water but green pays the bills). 5. Take at LEAST 12 trips this year which will include at least 3 stamps on my passport. There you have it. Plain and simple. Just like that….I feel better already. :)

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  • My Art

    "I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my shit."
    ~Erykah Badu

    OK, I'm really not sensitive about it at all. I'm artsy but don't consider myself an artist in the traditional sense. I paint "stuff". I love it. It relaxes me. I don't have a particular medium. I just do what feels good. I'm inspired by love.

    Artwork pics coming soon

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  • Available for public speaking engagements. Rates are customizable depending on your budget and for non profit organizations. Topics include but are not limited to:

    • Coping with Depression
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    • Life after Divorce
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    • Listening to the Voice of God

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  • Testimonials

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    Tinesha is inspiring  mainly because of her message of spread love. She doesn't take any adversity curled up in a corner. If it's in her power to change it she comes out swinging and she fights until the situation is favorable to her. Lastly she has an "I did it so can you do it" or "I want to do it, so lets do it together" encouraging attitude.

    ~Shana Curry

    For the better part of ten years I have been fortunate enough to call Tinesha a friend, sister and business partner. In all three roles she has never ceased to inspire me with her unconditional love and ability to give to myself and others. I think she has been a life coach for longer than she has known it and it is exciting to see her services being offered to the masses. Tinesha has an unmatched ability to listen, be a voice of reason and ask the tough questions, ultimately leading to amazing growth for everyone around her.

    ~Kelley Carboni-Woods

    I met Tinesha several years ago at her shop on Louise Ave. I have always admired her quiet spirit. I always thought that she was special and beautiful. Tinesha always has a kind and encouraging word for me and she doesn't even know it. I am so inspired by her journey, how transparent she is. I am a few years older than her, but I learn so much from her through her posts and she always will explain to me what I don't understand. Tinesha, I feel you are making a difference in other people lives just by you sharing your life and struggles. I thank God for placing you in my life, even though we don't talk often, I really feel that I can count on you when I need too. I love you my sister, keep it up...you are helping many through your posts and blogs.

    ~Andrea Metz-Nicholson

    What can I say? Ms. Tinesha Matthews is like a social movement! Tinesha has inspired me to look within and really concentrate on things that make me whole. I have been unhappy with my job for a while. When she announced she was launching her website; I became inspired to pursue a career path I too longed to have. Funny how a Facebook post about meditation and allowing yourself to listen to the universe can change things. Another way Tinesha inspires me is through her blog, I am awestruck by her candidacy and transparency about her life's obstacles, trials and revelations. I use her as an example a lot with friends and patients, especially when it comes to weight, depression and lifestyle modification. Sometimes you have to put in work to get what you want. Life ain't easy.

    ~Natasha Jones